The Thespian In Me

                I had been in high school theatre for all of one year and I loved it. Being in church musicals in elementary and early junior high was a completely different matter. Here, there was more challenge. People weren’t looking for some cute to kids to prance around stage; they were looking for skill and a good performance.

                Not wanting to have to go through the Theatre Arts class that only worked out of a textbook and did the occasional skit, I decided that I wanted to audition for the Theatre Production class. It was the end of my freshman year and I had had encouragement from friends in theatre to just “go for it.” I prepared a monologue and came before the drama teachers for audition. It actually went pretty well. They put me in the Theatre Production class for the following year and I looked forward to it through the summer. When my sophomore year started, auditions started up right with it.

                The first play was a comedy that everyone was excited for. It turned out that I actually snagged a role! This was a big deal for me since I was the new kid and there had been plenty of previous members who were not cast. When the next show came around, a melodrama, I was cast again! Already, I was a part of the old theatre crew. Practices were long and happened most days of the week, but it seemed worth it. By the end of the year, it was UIL time, the ratings and competition between schools. Even with the small cast the play held, I still got a role. It may have been a smaller role, but I was a part of UIL! It was huge that they trusted me to be a part of this.

                Practices were really getting to me now. I hardly had the time to do all my homework when I got home every evening. I knew that the next year was going to be tougher than this one, but I wanted to keep with it. As scheduling turned out, however, I had to make some adjustments. I was not able to fit the production class in my schedule. I reassured myself and others that I would still be a part of drama; I just couldn’t be in the class. Besides, there were people involved in the plays that were not in the class. It was possible.

                At the beginning of the next year, we had auditions. I was given a significant role and was pretty happy about it. From the audition sheets, I had pretty much decided that this was the role I wanted. When the read-through day came, everyone who had a part was given a copy of the play. We sat in a circle and read our way through our parts. My part was not exactly what I expected. There were areas that, although not bad, I wasn’t comfortable with. Actually, I was pretty sure I didn’t care for it. Situations in the play were awkward and I felt even more awkward at the idea of portraying it.

                On top of that, when I got the rehearsal sheet for the month, I could not even see how I would be able to fit all the practices in with all the homework I would be getting. The previous year had been hard enough. This year would be harder.

                After talking it over time and time again with my parents and other people I trusted, I made the hard choice. I had to tell my drama teacher that I could not accept the role after all. I was embarrassed by the situation I felt I had created, but I knew it was necessary. It was unfair of me to have auditioned in the first. Still, I just had to keep working from where I was.

                I never ended up getting back into drama that year or any of the years since. I loved it while it lasted, but it seemed unpractical to try and be involved in drama with all the other things I had to do. Perhaps there will be times in my future that I can bring out the Thespian in me once again, but I will try and be content with my dorm-room theatrics for now.

Now and Later

I was given more at birth than just a name. I am not the eldest but the youngest, so I don’t have the biblical birthrights and that go to the firstborn. This is not discouraging to me, though, because the Bible is filled with examples of God using the younger of the children to do great things for His kingdom. What I would consider to be my own birthrights are different qualities and giftings that God has formed in me. He has proclaimed to my heart and to others since I was a child that I would sing for Him. I also believe that He has instilled within me a lifelong love of writing. I have learned over the years that God can use anyone He calls, whether they are the most talented or not. So, while I may have a longing to be great at whatever I do, I know I cannot become discouraged when others are better. God measures me by His own standards and by how I use what He has specifically given to me. It is instead for me to work at being a good steward of these gifts.

I have noticed that, for some reason, people tend open up to me. I believe a big part of it has to do with the fact that I am a listener by nature. Even so, I am still surprised when I realize someone has chosen me to be someone they talk to. These people trust me, and I do everything I can to honor that trust and be a positive influence on them. Even when I may not have the answer, I try to point them toward where the answer may be held.

There is also a totally different side of me, as there is with all people. In complete contrast with my tendency to be meek and shy (especially in group settings) is my flat-out silliness. I love to laugh and make my friends laugh, even at my expense. I am, like my dad, a complete goof at times. Unlike him, however, I can lack the boldness to bring it out whenever I want. Although I have come out of my shell tremendously over these years, I still have a hard time with getting to that comfort level with new people or in large groups. As it tends to go, the larger the group, the harder it is.

All in all, I am still developing. I have hopes and dreams, yes, but I want to stay flexible. Whatever God has for me I am sure is better than anything I can come up with on my own.

Name-Sake

The history of my name doesn’t have much substance to it. I wasn’t named after a great biblical character or anyone in my family tree. There is, however, a little back-story. As it goes, my mom was leaning toward the name Amber, but my dad was really vying for the name Shana. The origin of the name Shana is uncertain, but is said to be Yiddish for “beautiful.” It is also said that it may be a variant of Shoshanna, which is Hebrew for “lily” or “rose.” While my mom also liked this name, there was already a young girl at church who had the name Shana, and my mom didn’t want me to be dubbed “Shana number two.” To fix this, my parents simply altered the sound of the name and contacted a baby naming service to find out what spelling would be best. My middle name, Christen, is a female variant of Christian and I am very glad to have it. The sound doesn’t flow when paired with my first name, but I like it just the same. My last name, Nix, is most likely of German origin and can mean two things. The first one, which the family members from my dad’s side are less fond of, is that Nix is a sprite or water fairy. The other is that it means nothing. Literally, nothing. It can vary within the German language to also mean “no” or “zero.”

One day last semester, a friend humored me enough to say that in Hebrew, the word Shanae translates to “year.” This same person tends to trick my gullible self all the time and I have since been told that he was probably just at his normal trade during the conversation. While I was still under his influence, however, I came to be entertained with the idea that if this were the case, then my first, last and middle name put together could come to represent the first coming of Jesus. However much I stretched the concept, I liked that my full name could mean “year zero” when “Christ” came. Well, it was pleasant while it lasted. Whatever my name here may or may not mean, I am much more interested in what my heavenly name will be. Now that is something to look forward to!